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Go to "How to be a Ugandan"

Lol indeed! - though who is actually having the last laugh I wonder? 

The point on business is a definite concern - I came to witness this on one my recent visits at a bar somewhere by Crested Towers - or was it still called this?  Anyway, this bar is set in a picturesque part where you can view parts of Kla skyline.  It's very impressive, not unduly noisy or overcrowded, with external decor to write home about.  Now I understand this was a once hip and happening place to be seen at in the early stages of it's opening.  The  "yuppies" apparently soon made mince meat of it, moved on and now it stands bereft on most evenings and weekends, save for the loyal clientelle that can still afford to use it.  It's location must be costing the owners quite a few bob on the rental alone!

The hype on building hotels in and around Kla is another issue I can't quite get my head around.  Just exactly how many delegates/tourists are expected to grace the country over the coming years?  Of the tourists I rubbed shoulders with - (and people wise up!) these back-pack tourists are not about to spend money in costly hotels, a handful stayed in the overly priced hotels.  Most tourists, from Europe anyway, have revised the A-Z of hostels and motels which can offer cheap services to the costly 5* hotels being built on the back of their hands. They'd much rather sleep on the beach, use whatever minimal toiletry facilities available, mingle with the locals, and for a nominal fee get by on their rucksack laden with bottled water and biscuits!  It's most often the case that it will be the locals who will use some of these hotels - if they can steal enough to afford it!  So one might ask - if the projection for tourism is to be seen as the overal drive to put up all these hotels - what actually are the tourist providing to the local economy of the nation in their gross expenditure?

Sometimes I wonder who the tourists are: The foreigners checking out our beautiful country or the wanainchi who stare and examine them like they are from Mars. I am sure the tourists get this feeling that they are specimens being exhibited at a zoo, if the stares and attention they get from the locals are anything to go by. This is 2006!

UGians are also fond of using phrases like: 'And also...', 'My names are...', 'Do not mistaken me....', 'Let me pass ko here', ' Do not minimise me!' etc.

 Other peculiarities: They do not buy newspapers, they pay a small fee to the vendor to let them read a copy and thereafter re-staple it. They do not pay for their road licenses, but keep bribing policemen and end up paying more than they would if they had the licence. They leave their houses in light coloured out fits even when it raining and the path to the taxi stop is clearly muddy. Ugandans really love dressing up!

Mmm. There is also the tendency to visit countries and stay there as refugees or illegal aliens, like the Mexicans. Oops. Let the cat out of the bag.

 A lot of the trying to catch up with the Jones syndrome too. Gotta have something because someone else has it. I guess you could add the crab mentality to that. Stopping others who are getting ahead. Also do not forget the expressions "eeeeh mama!" and "banange" while clapping hands or slapping thighs. LOl, don't minimise me...? how about "don't kumayira me!"

For Baganda and Basoga, greeting until the day ends. The greeting involves asking about the chicken, goats, cows etc.....LOL....(I am one so chill)

Ugandans, especially men don't tend to wear sneakers and sports clothes. They mostly wear dress pants and shirts as in opposed to Black North Americans who like jeans etc....especially the youth.

Tea. Ugandans, despite being one of the worlds greatest producers of coffee are tea drinkers. Isn't that crazy?

WHAT ABOUT....

It is believed that every country has a spirit; something that defines the people and the nation. But what is the spirit of Uganda? It is hard to tell. Apart from the national emblems,nothing is profound in nature about Ugandans or their country. But if you care to notice certain habits, you will    tell who a Ugandan is within seconds of meeting them.

Shifting at night

There is a weird nocturnal behavioring in the Pearl of Africa. It is not bar-hopping or night-dancing. It is shifting from one house to another.        Ideally shifting from one house to another should be done during day time so that one gets enough time to settle in. For some suspicious    reasons, Ugandans do it at night! It is only in Uganda where you will see a caravan of trucks loaded with old blankets, furniture and other    household items on transit to mysterious destinations at dusk.  Are people embarrassed of their modest possessions or could they be hiding property stolen from their neighborhood?

Drinking beer using a straw

However disgusting, this habit has been accepted by society. It has fitted in so well, Ugandans will act shocked to hear anyone scorn it!  If you asked anyone to pull out the straw from his or her beer, you would be asking for a fight. But if drinking beer using a straw puzzles foreigners, and  then there is something terribly wrong with it. It is bad manners!

Jumping the queue

It is the worst social transgression Ugandans have managed to pull off. Can every Ugandan receive a pat on the back for this one? It is annoying, irritating and egotistical, plus the other adjectives women like using in reference to men, put together. In hospitals, banks and cafeterias, any place where there is a queue being followed, a Ugandan will try to create 'short cuts'. It is civil to follow a line in other places, but to a Ugandan, especially one working in a corporate organization, it means you have been patronized or 'undermined'!  When you see someone jumping a queue, it is their way of saying, "Look, I am the boss at my work place. Surely, you do not expect me to stand in this line with all you less mortals." And the rest of us who are not 'bosses' are simply telling the world, "Look, I was raised in a kennel." Iti s really, really bad manners!

Clinging on to old/worn out items

What is this bondage between Ugandans and their property? It is easier here to store than get rid of old obsolete items. From visibly torn or stained
clothes to rusty charcoal stoves, each property that a Ugandan buys is treated with sentimental attachment. When you return home, check in your stores, you will be surprised at the amount of antiques you need to get rid of. You could actually establish a mini museum! Picture this: If Europeans and Americans behaved this way, we would have no St. Balikuddembe Market (Owino). It's frightening, isn't it?

Haggling

Whoever introduced haggling in Uganda must be wondering why they did it. Ugandans even haggle in supermarkets where prices are fixed. The habit is steadily rubbing on to tourists perhaps as an intangible souvenir from their travels to Uganda.

Carrying pocket radios to parties/ceremonies

Most Ugandans may rant calling this an accusation. You are right, it is not urban but a rural habit and that still qualifies it to be Ugandan. It is a
'fashionable' habit rampant among the Iteso and the Karimojong. For fear of having it spread to the urban areas, we feel obligated to prevent this
potential social scourge. Psychologists,however, are still investigating why Iteso and Karimojong men and boy stake pocket radios to functions where music is blaring on large speakers.

The rich find doing house chores shameful

Being rich in Uganda means not to be seen mowing your compound, polishing shoes, washing car, drawing the curtain, walking on foot, ironing your clothes, changing your car tire or tidying up the house. Someone must do it for you. Society has been a proponent of this unwritten social code of conduct. If people see a rich person doing any of the above things, they will consider them to be misers!

Beeping

Beeping has never been part of a mobile phone manual, but since the mobile revolution hit this nation, every Ugandan has been guilty of beeping. Why do we beep when we can communicate using sms or take shs.300 and call from a phone booth?

Showing off in bars and public places

'Do you know who I am?' This is often a threat, not a question. If you are a bar addict, you have encountered this threat either being issued across the counter (when the waitress is informing a patron to pay before getting a drink) or during a midnight bar brawl.  When you hear this, you know the person probably has some links/relation (could even be distant) with either Chieftancy of Miliary Intelligence (CMI) Boss or a member of the State House/regime. Sometimes you find he is an Internal Security Organization operative. Others just take advantage of their western twang to create an impression that they have 'connections' with State House.

Other funny habits include; owning pirated dvds/vcds/video and audiotapes; de-toothing and acquiring the most expensive/ latest model of mobile
phones every year.

Milar:

Shifting at night

lol millar!  Yet this is not restricted to Ug only gal.  I believe the reason behind this behaviour lies more with avoiding having your furniture stolen by onlookers who may be lying in wait to spy on the load coming into the neighbourhood!  You see even here in some parts of London I believe persons tend to be be advised to refrain from day-time house-moving.  It's like an advert for burglars to come and collect all that you are inputting.  Some even help you along in between pauses to get the furniture to your door! 

Drinking beer using a straw

Yeap! i gave up on this phenomenal practice in Ug. One thing I thought worthy to justify it - you avoid getting any transmission of unsavoury germs that could be larking around the mouth of the bottle should one prefer to swig it straight up!  Though alcohol is an antiseptic in its own right I would've thought!  Though placing a straw inside a wide glass is another one I just couldn't get my head around!

Jumping the queue

Millar - the other line that is so overused is "I am known by one of the counter-staff ..." as if the rest of you queing are waiting for the plane in the middle of an effing building!  Such manners are now becoming the norm over here in the UK too especially in London as it's so "Cosmo".  Queing is a dying habit I'm afraid especially when it comes for the public transport services. Though I'm glad to say, in places such as post offices/banks/offices, there is still some semblance of order!

Clinging on to old/worn out items

Hey hold on there sista! Who invented car-boot sales and antique roadshows? Jumble sales and Fetes are the stuff that summer is made of here. In the States, they have garage sales - and believe me it's not garages that are being sold nor is it just Ugians doing the buying only! Besides, do you realise that worn out or faded jeans are pretty damn expensive as designer labels.  A pair can set you back a good deal sista.  Also torn clothes, you'd be surprised at what a handkerchief can cost when bought as a top to drape around your bosom followed by other little oddments to cover the lower part!

Haggling

Indians and Arabs are the only group that can rival Ugians at haggling!  I found the practice very difficult to undertake but I believe it grows on you after a while!  

Carrying pocket radios to parties/ceremonies

"Psychologists,however, are still investigating why Iteso and Karimojong men and boy stake pocket radios to functions where music is blaring on large speakers." Simple:  they prefer to listen to what's acceptable to them.  Millar technology is evolving.  Not long ago awhile back, brothers here were carrying around on them "ghetto blasters", and break-dancing on the streets was the order of the day! You couldn't get any peace on public transport as these machines were in competition for all other noise around.  Fortunately somebody came up with the personal stereo and soon the CD player. Even still, you get persons who refuse to understand that personal headphones are meant to be just that - personal and not communal.  Now with the advent of mobiles/cellphones that have MP players, boy doesn't one get to listen to all and sundry in public. Therefore tell those psychologists that this is a normal progression - they are simply evolving!

The rich find doing house chores shameful

Sadly this is a reminant of colonial mentality.  Persons view having gone to school and learnt to speak english or any other european language as affluent, sometimes coupled with the ability to accessing a job that is salaried or being married to a wealthy person.  So they perceive it's their station in life to lounge about to all things not considered salaried.

Beeping

Hmmmm - this follows through to the diaspora.  Habits are so hard to break once started and the idea of freebies is one that hangs like a noose around some persons.  One network here actually started terminating pay as you go clients as a penalty for not putting any credit on their cellphones over a given set period.

Showing off in bars and public places

'Do you know who I am?' - As if I actually give a damn - we should all start thinking....

Millar thanks for bringing us up to speed.  Bottom line - we love you guys even if you are a pain in the "A" for the greater part!

Now I get it.  I had forgotten how to be a Ugandan that is why I was getting irritated with some of the behaviors I saw.  When I carried my own laggage to the vehicle my cousin was mad at me.  She told me the boy will fetch it for you.  The boy is a grown man with a wife and children.  I kept saying thank you to the "boy" and she expected it.

What is up with having a drivers?  I did my own laundry she told me the house girl would have done it for me.  It is all about status.......LOL

One the things which irratated me the most is the ilite being inconsiderate to the people who work for them.  An example you tell the driver to show up at 8 because you will be ready to go.  The driver shows up on time and has to wait for an hour and half for the person they are driving around.  How rude and inconsiderate!!!!!!

Well just jumped in right now, but was so interested in the topic "How to be a Ugandan" well i don't know if at i have not understood the whole essence of the topic or perhaps i have not read enough, But i wanted to read something leading to human behavioural development and following ethics, good codes of conduct for that matter.

You are very welcome hotlugambo.

 Qsheeba - couldn't agree more with you.  Many a times I went to open the gates leading up to the house I was staying at, or went to carry groceries from shopping and was met with "leave it for the boys to do it".  At one point I was asked whether I had servants in the UK to do stuff like dishwashing because I went to clear away and wash-up after a meal because the housegirl was not in due to illness.  It was considered beneath me or any other persons in the house to do such chores. I tell you - persons in Ug have it so good when it comes to certain things!  Though on a much serious note, I hear you loud and clear when it comes to inconsideration - persons such as chauffers, cleaners, maids/servants are not considered to be worthy the time of day - though this practice is not only found amongst Ugians.  Sited maltreatment of fellow servants etc has been touched upon by persons from Nigeria.

Time management is something that is an alien concept - there's one area that is costing our economy - because africa time is definitely far from valued time.

hotlugambo welcome to the phorum

Actually you are neighbour figuratively.  I leave in CA too.  I do love the Bay Area

SB-I hear you, when I got hold of it and read it I LMAO!

I got this from my Kenyan friend.

Now this topic has had me cracking up and it was like every new post u just have to so True dat true dat. I was in Ug in August and the biz with the rugby so so....and the Boy bizness wierd growing up u we had pple who did all that but once u have been away from home for a while its uncomfortabel having a grown woman cook clean wash and catter to ur every whim when u r perfectly capable....my aunty even took it as far as getting a secound person just to do the cooking during our stay now that may not seem like anythin special coz in ug u can have a person for washin one for cookin one for the kids etc but in this case they had a gal for that already but when we arrived all fresh from "Bulaya" nothin the gal cooked was good enough (the food was exellent she was just trippin ) so they brought in a new one .....wats even more rediculous is that my aunties household is made up of only women all who are capable of cooking imagine a house with atleast 5 gals all over 20 and having two house gals redicoulous and us  the three banabulayas they were supposedly lookin after have been cookin for ourselves since way back when.

Oh one more thing in the article that bizness with the nigerian accent talkin yesso de no tel me ago leave de house etc so so so annoying and it is mainly done by these young gals ma cuzines did it all the tyme and it bugged the hell out of me i kept wondering do they think pple dont understand what they are saying

one thing that was not on the list of how to be a ugandan was all the Guys thinking that they are from jamaica My god every corner u seem them thinkin they r rudeboys and all that and when it comes to dancing i have never seen so many guys wine guys are not supposed to wine its too batty bwoy but tell it to them

 Ok am not hating on Ug just some very funny ug notions I really enjoyed beein home if u havent been there in w while go and believe me u r in for a shock but by God u gonna have such a good tyme

yeah forgot to get in on the kenyans ....I lived in Kenya when i was younger and these are some of the things that I remeber about being kenyan or stuff that is so typical kenya

1 Buying half a loaf of bread and a big soda for lunch (they wld cut the bread in half and sell u half always wondered why the company just didnt make a smaller loaf it the cost was the same if the whole bread cost ten then half cost 5 same shet)

Blow dry....kenyans had the patent on this u didnt have to perm ur hair u want for a blow dry and came out lookin like u had a perm long and strait

Sukumawiki and Ugali  daily bread in most families (cld kill for some right now)

 1/4 kilo of meat were they wld give u the biggest bone and well very little meat (why anyone wld want it I dont know i wld rather have me som spinach in that case)

Living in estates ....if u lived around Nai u had to live in an Estate

Gotta love githeri ...loved this  basically beans and maize coked together and made into some kinda stew sometimes with potatoes

 Chips (with watered down ketchup or chilli)....u cld always buy these cheap but the ketchup was like water anyone who has been attended a day skol in the center of Nai will know wat am talkin about, students knew wat restaurants had the cheapest and gave the plentiest. Ofcourse this meant that half de potatoes were not edible some black and grey

police patrol and getting aressted because of Kumanamanga bila sababu u get arrested at night just for taking a stroll and once these patrols got u they wld proceed to make u walk with them the whole night pickin up other pple caugt doin the same thing and ofcourse a whole bunch of prositutes needless to say if u didnt give them chai u wld end up in jail

Kyokoras street kids everywhere always threatning to throw poo at u if u dint give them cash

Grilled Maize with redchilli and lemon sold on the street side this is so typically kenyan it needs no explanation

Matatus back in da days it was half price for students and the music and the graffics was a major point in da selection of a matatu as a gal though u always wauted for the one where the "tout" ( Ugandans read) Kondakita let didnt charge u fare. U cant call urself kenyan if u cant jump out or get into a moving matatu

kyai ya rangi (coloured tea wonder if its a race thing, just kiddin) simply meant black tea these women and men in these box shops used to make the best tea and chapatis mmmmm

Omo pic a box   this was like deal or no deal so the kenyas came up with it firstt first

sunday nation and lfestyle magazine

whimpys (i wonder if it is still there) forget Mcdees burger King Nandos all that crap whimpys was the place a burger with tater source mmmmmm

 

Sheng expressions like ushago,udaro, paro  village classroom parents or callin ur chick demu wangu and ur guy charlie wangu (old slang am sure they have new slang)

Tusker and guieness u wld think these are the only beers produced in kenya

 

 

Was the other name for githeri - "bikyukuyu"?  I recall having this dish served at school on occasion whilst in Ug!

am not sure wat ist called in Ug but if it had maize and beans in it then yeah thats it

Now if thre is anything that irritates me its impersonating and copy cats!!

I dunno wat You guys r talking about, I am Ugandan and 4 days ago I shifted to Kenya and although I been around tha world I think Kenya is banging!

No one is dissin kenya we were just stereotypin same as the how to be a ugandan article....Kenya ok dependin on were u hang out and how well u know the ins and outs of the country