A friend sent this to me and thought I would share with my ugpulse family
In Africa, Hope for the Stigmatized: Fertility Clinics
By Stephanie McCrummen
Washington Post Foreign Service
Thursday, August 14, 2008; A07
KAMPALA, Uganda -- In a country with one of the highest birthrates on Earth, where bearing children is considered a woman's singular purpose, Betty Apio leads an unusual life.
She has no children, not by choice, but because of a string of medical mishaps. Though she cares for nieces and nephews, she essentially lives on her own in the Kampala suburbs, where her living room is adorned with photos of the smiling husband who left her for a woman who could, as people here say, "produce." Some neighbors believe she is cursed. They shoo their children away from the pretty lady next door, a teacher who dreams of building a day-care center. She has learned to ignore them.
"People will never give you respect," said Apio, 44. "You have no value. People insult you -- 'You barren woman! You are useless!' It's horrible. And if you are not strong, you will not survive."
But Apio and an increasing number of other middle-class African women are seeking their social salvation in a service unheard of here until recently: fertility treatments. In the past few years, two clinics have opened in Kampala, one in Nairobi and a handful of others in major cities across the continent.
The clinics offer an alternative to superstitious explanations of infertility and the dubious advice of traditional healers, whose cures include having women run naked in circles around a dead sparrow at night. Fertility doctors are also bringing to light an uncomfortable truth about a condition almost always blamed on women: that at least half the time, the problem is with the man.
"The number of clients is going up by the day," said Annie Akatabaazi, who helps run a clinic that treats some of the few thousand women here who seek help each year. "Some ask to come at night, so they'll not be seen. Some call whispering. Sometimes they don't want to give you their name. They come saying, 'My husband is going to leave me if I don't have children.' And the men, once they find out, they come every day. If they have an appointment at 9 a.m., they show up at 8."
In much of Africa, the stigma of infertility is so severe that it often drives women -- and men -- to suicide. In some rural areas, women who die without children are carried in their coffins through the back door of the church. Women are sometimes branded witches and in other ways forced into isolation in a society that has few places for them.
The deeply entrenched culture of large families in Africa has to do with economics. In societies with virtually no government safety net, children represent financial security: One way or another, they are expected to provide for their parents when they get old. And for women in particular, children are a kind of insurance, protecting mothers against a divorce system that tends to grant property to men.
"In the African sense, children are an investment," said Robinah Kaitiritimba, a health-care advocate in Kampala, a bustling, hilly city of contrasts, where extreme poverty exists alongside malls and middle-class neighborhoods.
Women in Uganda, where polygamy is legal, have seven children on average; a recent newspaper article described in celebratory tones the life and times of a man who had 120 children with seven wives.
Though ideas about family are slowly changing, even relatively educated, middle-class women such as Apio suffer in a culture that seems designed to shun them.
She and her husband, who is also a teacher, married in the 1980s to the joy of both their families and with the absolute expectation that children would soon follow. They bought a house in Kampala, which Apio furnished with brown velour couches, tables with white doilies and their wedding photos. But the children never came.
Apio, who agreed to discuss her situation in the hope that other women would feel less alone, attributes her condition to an abortion she had when she was young. Getting pregnant at her age was taboo in her village, she said, and so was discussing the matter with her mother. So Apio's sister arranged for her to have an abortion at a hospital.
Abortion is illegal in Uganda, and Apio's procedure was, she learned later, botched.
After she and her husband were unable to conceive, she went to a gynecologist who told her that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He recommended an operation to fix it. When Apio awoke, the doctor told her that he had removed the tube.
Distraught, she went to another doctor, who also recommended an operation. He removed the functioning tube, though she still does not know why.
Her husband's family taunted her and told him to find another woman, which he eventually did. They had two children. When Apio refused to pay school fees for them, his relatives complained she was jealous. "They say to my husband, 'Why are you keeping that woman?' " she said.
His new wife does not allow the children to visit Apio, saying she "has a dark heart," she said. Her husband comes around a couple of times a week, or sometimes just once a month. Though he mostly annoys her, Apio said she is worried that he will leave and take the house from her. So she tries to be kind.
"Sometimes I want a divorce and to stay on my own," she said. "Then I go to my mother, and she says to stay, that I'll shame the family. She says to stay in the marriage, even if it's painful. But sometimes I want to leave -- to do my own things. Sometimes I get annoyed with him and tell him not to come back. But then he comes back. I worry about the future."
Adoption is rare among Africans, though many care for the children of less-fortunate relatives.
Women unable to conceive often end up supporting the children of their sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles. Apio has put a nephew through college and is putting two nieces through private school, though she realizes she will not be able to depend on them later in life.
"When the time comes, they'll go," Apio said, noting that the nephew never comes around anymore.
She has found some comfort from her sister and two brothers and some relief at a counseling center in Kampala called Joyce. Its founder, Ritah Sembuyu, named the center for the child she never had. She runs support groups that comfort women by offering them scientific explanations of their situations, camaraderie and referrals to fertility clinics.
"Even if people tease me now, I don't care," said Apio, who is holding out hope that in vitro fertilization might work in her case.
Prakesh Patel, who runs one of the fertility clinics in Kampala, said women often pretend to be going to this shop or that, before rushing through his doors. Many come without their husband's knowledge. They offer to pay for late-night appointments. And they often wind up crying in his office. "I say to them, 'This is not a disease. There are many like you -- you don't have to be ashamed,' " Patel said.
Then he contends with the physical and psychological trauma done by traditional healers, who often prescribe herbs that do more damage than good. He gives basic anatomy lessons. He tells women they do not have to tolerate their obnoxious relatives and at times encourages women to consider their childlessness a blessing -- a way to escape the confines of a male-dominated society.
"I tell them that if people pressure you, don't let them," he said. "Women here are considered property -- as objects rather than human beings. Like a table with one leg gone wobbly is a useless table, if a woman cannot produce, she is a useless woman."
© 2008 The Washington Post Company
Monday, June 04, 2007
This is my story.
For those who live in North America you will know the holiday I’m talking about. It was Memorial Day Weekend.
I had the privilege of attending a conference during the Memorial Day weekend which was May 25th through May 28th I think Admin eluded to it in one of his posts when he was trying to put me in my place……………………LOL.
Admin you know I love you don’t take it too serious. The Ugandans I met at this conference left me very much impressed, but yet puzzled!!!!!! The Ugandans I met all live, work and play in North America and EU they all came from the district of Mbale. Their organization is known as North America Masaba Cultural Association (NAMCA). My friend wanted me to attend this yearly meeting for a couple of years. I did not attend in the previous years because of finances and also because of fear. Fear because I’m not from a true Masaba culture and I had forgotten to speak the Lumasaba language. Some people kind of made fun of me for not speaking the language; which I thought was rude. Just as I would not be able to speak fluently in either dialect. I can understand what is being said; but I can only respond in English. Not my fault, “If you don’t use it, you lose it”
I was so impressed to almost intimidated by the caliber of highly educated and professional people in the group who are working so hard at their jobs as professors at prestigious universities, physicians at prestigious medical schools, financial controllers at major cities, CPAs, computer engineers, PHDs just to mention a few. Then it occurred to me, what if all this talent went back home!!!
I knew from my younger years that Ugandans were the most educated people compared to Kenyans and Tanzanians. Even the politicians who attended this conference were very very highly educated.
I have been wondering since that conference why aren’t intellectual Ugandans going back home. Most of them had become Citizens of their adopted countries. The politicians in attendance where not offering any help to lure these intellectuals back home!!! Instead they were comfortable having these intellectuals raise money to do projects which in the districts these politicians come from and I could see they were going to take credit for what this organization is doing and get the votes. I did my best to ask pointed questions, but you know they are politicians they do not answer you questions.
In my opinion the politicians should try to make it easy and lure these intellectuals back home by giving them some incentives to make it their worthy while.
I’m sure you would all ask me why I have not gone back. That is another topic
My two cents
A few links or posts months ago spoke of street children. They come to town and start begging to get money for their family or enough money to feed themselves. Most of the kids are either orphans or they have parents who are too sick to care for them. Some of the kids are just rebellious and think they are old enough to take care of themselves.
When these children get to the towns or cities they find themselves in a situation which is beyond their comprehension. They start sleeping on the streets, they cannot earn enough money to get food to eat and some of the kids end up being used as slave labor or just plainly abused. The danger is mainly with the young girls who end up being raped and some of them end up with HIV/AIDS both boys and girls.
There is a glimmer of hope for some of the children. The Child Restoration Outreach (CRO) has provided a great service to some of the children. Check out their website www.crouganda.org This organization has done a great deal to help the children and they are expanding into northern Uganda to help even more children. This organization just helps children without considering their tribal origin. I will let the ugpulse family visit the site and read more of what this organization has done for Ugandan children. They are doing their best to keep as many kids as possible off the streets of Mbale, Jinja, Masaka, and their next town is Lira. Picture of one of the bus stops to Lira is posted.
Thank you all for reading
Even God enjoys a good laugh...
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about The Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3 He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
WOMAN:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
AMEN
Monday, April 02, 2007
Today was my scheduled day off. I slept in. Wake up time was 9:30 am. Check email only to find out that the fundraising email I sent out last night did not have the web link I was asking people to go to. How stupid and dumb…………….LOL. The people were asking what is the web link…………..corrected that issue. Called Uganda to check on my mom to make sure she is recovering okay.
My fax machine is not receiving fax’, so I pull out the owner’s manual and try to fix the issue. Thank God I got that taken care of. 10:30, I realize I need to go out for 2 hour training run. I drove to this bike path trail; I have never been on this path before, half mile into the run; I realize I did not bring my cell phone, identification, or water with me. How stupid, but I’m not about to turn back and get those three important things I should have at all times when I work out alone. I figured I would be okay. 2.5 miles into the run I start getting nervous; it is getting hot and I run into my first rattle snake. Now I’m faced with a choice, I should really turn around and go back. No not me, I tell myself I’m tough I can do it. That was really stupid; I would not recommend it for anyone. I managed to get through my 2 hour training work out. I drank about 1500L of water when I got back to my vehicle. I always curry water in my vehicle.
I stopped to get some groceries. Fixed myself a nice salad made of baby spinach leaves, dried soybeans, and arugula leaves for lunch. I sat back and enjoyed myself for half an hour. Then reality hit, I have laundry to do; so I got laundry started and came to visit Ugpulse site. I discovered that Admin had insulted my marathonness therefore you all have to endure my diary for the whole week………………LOL
The only way to spare you guys would be for Admin to apologize for insulting my marathonness…………….LOL
To be continued
My two cents worthy
I finally managed to see the movie about Idi Amin finally. Watching the movie brought back memories of those first few years of Amin’s rule of Uganda. I was an elementary school teacher then; I remember when Amin was coming to my area and we had to wait on the football field for hours. I was sick with malaria, but I had to be there with my students, because there was hell to pay if you did not show up. He was notorious for being late to his engagements. I think he did that on purpose to avoid assassination attempts. The movie brought all those bad memories back for me. I ended up missing school for a week, because I was dehydrated and malaria had taken its toll.
I was one of the few lucky people who managed to get out in 1973 before carnage began.
The movie definitely portrays a man who was out of control almost afraid of his own shadow. He did not trust anyone around him. My uncle was a reporter who covered Amin; he told me some stories after seeing the movie which I think it was very well researched; I believe what he told me then now.
As it is portrayed in the movie the British government put Amin in office without giving him the tools to run a country. Amin is portrayed as almost a little kid in a candy store and if he did not like what he saw in the store he threw temper tantrums. Unfortunately his temper tantrums meant people had to be killed.
I wonder though what happened to the Scottish Doctor? I guess I have to buy the book and found out.
The actor who played Amin did an excellent job. I think his accent was wonderful; occasionally throwing in a Swahili word. I saw the movie with two of my kids, my oldest daughter who spend nine months in Uganda as volunteer teacher at Kalungu girl’s school and my son who only visited for three weeks. I was emotional they remember the sites and the beauty of Uganda.
There is sex in this movie, I would advise parents not to take children under 17 to see the movie.
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH USA
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammunition (Ammo) and National Rifle Association (NRA) magazines.
3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny and I went for more ammo.
Back in an hour. Don't mess with the Pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside"
The Washington Post Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate's disease. (This one got extra credit)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious
bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only
things that are good for you.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come
at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito (or palmetto bug), that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit
you're eating.
Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and a pain in the rear.
This just too funny. I thought I would start my blogging with a share of an interesting joke about men.
Ok guys I'm just going to duck and cover my head when you start throwing objects at me................LOL
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had
saved all of his money,and was a real miser when it
came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his
wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and
put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money
to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her
heart that when he died, she would put all of the
money in the casket with him. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting
next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just
before the undertakers got ready to close the
casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her; she came over with the box and
put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the
casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool
enough to put all that money in there with your
husband."The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a
Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him
that I was going to put that money in that casket with
him."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket
with him!!! "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all
together, put it into my account and wrote him a
check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."